So, this would be my last post this year haizt..

Can't imagine how time flies... I can still remember the last year's 2010 countdown, and now we'll be having that the same countdown again, but for 2011. This year is a mixture of laughters, pains, fears, dreams, endings, beginnings and hopes.

Laughters for the great celebrations of passing subjects, meeting new faces at work and beer tables, boyfriends (hahaha), another birthday celebration of my life, overnights and passing the yearbook on time, and maybe for realizing that I'm already a "grown-up". Pains for failing some subjects, hurting other people's feelings, not meeting others' expectations, being left by some people I love, letting go of something or someone I really want and sacrificing my own happiness for others. Fears for subjects that I will be taking, new responsibilities in the office, to much expectations from others, not meeting deadlines and the fear of being alone sometimes. Dreams!!! Wew, last year's dreams are so gigantic, aheheh, I guess I'll carry it to next year. Endings of my responsibilities as the SK Chair, the end of the very childish and "laagan" jabee and the end of making fun of my relationships. Of course, last year was also the beginning of the more mature jabee and the beginning of looking back at the things that were left behind and kept inside. Beginning of letting go of the grudges, hatreds and hopes for someone to come back. Accepting that some things are not really meant. Lastly the hope. Hope on everything will be just fine. ALL IS WELL. I love the movie 3 idiots which taught me a lot of things in life.

So, this year?? Maybe I''ll put back a lot of happiness on it, a little of pain, a bunch of dreams again, a bucket of laughters, a river of beginnings also with some endings and of course an ocean of hopes... Happy New Year!!!

...

Life has never been this busy.

I am getting so lazy and pabaya lately, but with these new responsibilities I am facing right now, I am really forcing myself to do this... to do that, and everything. Last semester of my college life will be considered as the worst one so far. I am going out every night. As in, hanging out with friends and going home in the morning already. I don't know what's into me those times. Even though I never left my responsibilities in Pylon and in school, I can already feel the consequences with the low performances I have given.

My third year in college and in this course is very much harder than I thought. All I'm wondering is, I am not even bothered or worry to have low scores at all! Which is pretty much alarming. Aside from the fact that the I am busy with the office works right now which is considerable I think, I still managed to go out with friends up to the point of over using my body for not having rests at all. My boardmate scolded at me once, "Pahuway pd jol!, ky ug dli mu.overnyt sa office, musalaag pd!". Tsk Tsk, I was touched, really. And I realized, she was right.

I should minimize my gimiks and have a time for myself to go to bed just atleast to give myself a break from sleepless nights for about six months now. I realized that I should manage my time well now. I decided to go back to my normal study habits and as long as I can, I will not go out for some time.

Enough for the mistakes and all the blunders in my life. I've done everything I want, and let's just charge it all on experience.

From the Place That I Have Been Hiding...

I can't believe how time flies and finally this day had finally come! Ahmm, I have these mixed emotions that I have to write all of these down.

So, it's my last day now as an SK chairwoman of Poblacion, Mabinay. It brings me happiness, of course sadness...and maybe a feeling of great relief from all the responsibilities I have to face as a leader (knowing that I am also a college student on a faraway university and a writer as well).

The three years of being on the position has been a tough and a very rocky ride. At the age of 16, I became a politician outside the school and forced myself to be mature enough for the sake of doing all the new challenges that awaits me. I never knew that it would be that hard for me. Things leveled up to a hieght that I can't even reach at all. Sometimes, things are too stirred up and I can't fixed them anymore. There are also times that I felt so alone, no one's left to help me carry the heavy burden and continue the hardest journey I ever had.

Great mistakes were all part of the journey. The things I never really thought happened to me and I just thank God that despite with all of these, I was able to stand up and never gave up. I have so many plans that were left only on printed papers and never had a chance to realize it. In some point of my life, I have this major grudge on my fellow officers. Some never really care, and some are considered by me as hindrances on my projects (let just say they really are). Criticisms were never out with all of these. People are so judgmental (specially in our place) up to the point of tearing you apart. I have shed a lot of tears since from my very first year up to now. The sad part of this is, those people mentioned are the ones who have their college degrees and they so believe on thereselves that they are so upright! (which they are not, mga great pretenders!). I just so hate this people, and someday I'll gonna prove something that will leave an enormous slap on their faces! Weeew!!, the was a great relief.

To go on....Little by little, I learned how to love the position. Instead of hating myself of being there, I learned how to adjust and embraced the office I have acquired. The experience taught me a lot. How to make "deadma" on issues, to socialize with all the prominent persons in the community, learned how to communicate efficiently with a total stranger during seminars, and of course to value my own money. These lessons in life made a stronger person. It made me dream of something bigger for myself and I have to reach it.

All in all, I have these positive and negative effects in my life as a result of being a politician in such a young age. I am into leadership, but maybe not into politics. I never close my doors for opportunities but I have this desire to finish my studies with flying colors. Being on a higher rank is good, receiving benefits is very good, but I beleive that I have to really work for it. Not like this. Not like, pretending that you are worth for what you receive.For now, I think I have to bid goodbye on the work that I have learned to live with. Saying googbye always hurts, but when it brings sorrow more that happiness, it's worth leaving it after all.

Candidates of todays' elections, whoever will takeover my chair, it's your time now. It may be just a small part of the political industry, but never ever forget that everything starts from this level. A lot of things awaits. Be ready.

And all of these came from the place that I have been hiding for the last three years...

Maybe Happy Ending is just, Moving On...

Girls had a lot of stuffs growing up:

· if a guy punches you he likes you

· never try to trim your own bangs,

· And someday, u will meet a wonderful guy and your very own happy ending.

Every movie we see, every story were told implores us to wait for it. The unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. That sometimes we are so focused on finding our happy endings, we don’t know how to read the signs. How to tell the ones who wants us and from the ones who don’t. The ones who will stay, from the ones who will leave.

And maybe this happy ending doesn’t include the wonderful guy, maybe it’s you, on your own. Picking up the pieces and starting over. Framing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is just moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this: knowing that no more waiting for phone calls and broken hearts, through all the plunders and misread signals, thru all the pain and embarrassment you, never ever gave up hope.

From the movie “He’s just not that into you”.

At last

Here I am again, reminiscing everything happened. I still love him.Maybe. But why I didn't get hurt when I knew that he has somebody new? I just feel happy that I saw him again after almost two years of waiting for this day to come. The worst thing is, I never thot that we are this close after all. He is just around the corner! ahmmm, not around the corner but in front of my building. So how long was that?

Gush I am really surprised that we are only 10 steps apart. After several months I haven't noticed it. This is awkward! A total game from destiny.

I don't know how to react. It's stopping all my nerves. But how come that I just knew it now? It's very very very impossible. The long time of waiting has finally ended. Hopefully, I can free myself from thinking all about him now. It's enough to know that he is still here, atleast I know that he is really still here, there, very very near. I'm not really hoping for him to come back but I'm not going force myself from forgetting something that is worth remembering.

So happy.

..shifts(",)

This is long overdue.

Matagal na talaga ito eh..

Super.

So when was this? last few months when we visited NORSU Bayawan-Sta. Catalina Campus. A very hot and exciting trip. Gush, it was a very tiring visit and I got super tanned.

Aside from the fact that at last I went to another unforgettable escape from my academic works, I also discovered a new avenue for an exciting and stress relieving activity " taking pictures".

Oh well, I just knew that taking pictures and taking them as if you were really a photographer is super fun! Grrrrr... I just have a passion, maybe.

One thing I have realized. Everyone loves their pictures taken, and you, as a photographer is happy with it.

Sa una ta ka makita abi ko ikaw na gid bala

ako nadarama pirmi taka nadamguhan

indi ko mahambal sa imu kung anong ginabatyag ko

pro ginpili ko nga indi ka pghambalan.

kun bal an mo lang tani

ang akon na nabatyagan

pilion mu pa ayhan ang pagpalangga ko.

kun bal an mo lang tani

ikaw lng ang palanggaon ko

hasta gid sa katapusan tani imu mabatyagan.

abi ko kaya ko na, mabuhi nga wla kana

dri ko nagsala sa isip indi ka madula.

ako my mabatyagan indi ko na gid mapunggan

ano gid bala,

tani kita na nga duha.

pro batunon ko tanan kung wla gd pag.asa

ang pagpalangga ko ngani

sang wla gid naguba.

Kun Bal an Mo LAng TAni

-Angelkym

Smiles, laughters

farewells and Goodbyes

Life is uncertain.

Life can be either good, or bad...

Life cannot be predicted.

Yes. I hate life..

Somehow, somewhere in my heart... I cant't bare the pain inside.

Why do we live, grow and die?

Why do we meet people and soon we'll say goodbye?

Why?

Please tell me.WHY?

Friendship.

Family Member.

Kuya.

Who else?

Scorching pain.

Never ending tears.

Heartaches.

Sleepless nights.

I can't take it.

I just can't.

HElP me.

Please.;'(

We broke up..

Tita died last night. Her cancer got so complicated.

A farewell to our very good friend KATE. They are moving to California. We will miss her. hai..

It's not goodbye for all of us. I know.

My Great Escapes

Saturday (August 28, 2010)

2AM

Departure From Dumaguete ( Gush)

4AM

Arrival in Mabinay (Sleep2)

Niambak pjd ko amua gate!WLA my muabri…heheh,,ala kblo cla mama bya..

8AM

Rise and Shine Jabee!!

10AM

On my way to Tara, Mabinay…

We have to cross 3 rivers and 1 stream, this is the 2^nd one…

Stream..

Ilang road nga murag 3n1 coffee wehehe..

last river njd!

Dedication of my niece.

4PM

Back to Poblacion, Mabinay

7PM

Ride back to Dgte>>>GRrrrr…

Sunday (August 29, 2010)

5:30PM

Gow sa Basay Neg.Occ.for our field study (Huhu)

Ayaw kasab.e ate..heheh

A nice ride on a DA vehicle from Bayawan to the Mountains of Cabigtian, Basay

Yeah..back to basics atmo!

Top of the world!!weeeeehhhhh!!

Pagatban Bridge,

Work! work! Work!

Upstream

Monday (August 30, 2010)

5AM

Cook Breakfast

7AM

midstream

A ride on a boat with me on the front jd…nyahaha

Against the current na ha!! so bigat kaya the boat noh..

3PM

Back to Dgte.

Uli name…su tyrd…

Mga Strekta!

5PM

Arrival at Dgte.

7PM

Uli npd ko Mabinay! (WeeEw!)

10PM

Naabot me house(gama field report until 1AM)

Tuesday (August 31, 2010)

8AM

NORSU Mabinay Convocation (yaba2 with Pylonites)

Sukol…hehe

At honey’s.

3PM

Back to Dgte! (wahahahah)

AMEN…

*The experiences were so damn tiring and yet I really enjoyed it a lot. I almost get myself so comfortable sleeping on a bus. I already get used to it because of those hectic schedules I am gone with. I just so thank God for giving me extra energy during those days.

update

Correction diay!!

My my microbiology exam is not a laboratory exam...but a MIDTERM EXAM!

What the...

What a day>>

Sh-t! I am so damn mad right now. The day started so bad that it drove me freaking angry with all the people around me! A total b—lsh-t and a terrible mess>>>!!!rrrRRRRrrr.. I SO HATE

· The laundry shop which kept me waiting for my washed clothes for about an hour.

· ______ for being so slow on fixing herself and for that

· We are very late in the lecture in SU about biology

· I saw the girl from our town that I hate

· _____ lost our visitor’s pass so we still have to convince the guard to give us our id’s and the one who lost it will be just the one who will look for it. (unfortunately, she didn’t found it!)

· I haven’t returned the soil kit to DA and no one’s even a little concerned to help me with that!

· I spilled my viand all over my shirt..waaaAAAAAAAAhhhhh….!!

· We just had a fight with my Bf and he just slept over it.

· My sister kept the cleaning kit of my lappy and forgot where she put it. (My lappy is very much dusty!!)

And to finish it all. I cried..a Lot…

oOOps I forgot..

I have a laboratory exam this afternoon. F-ck!!! Where’s my notes!?!

Someone borrowed it..Yeah right..

Perfect.

--------------------------------------------------------------

Oh my….

“Everything's over but the tears, whether it's tears of sorrow or joy is a matter for you to decide. When the last straw falls, you might finally reconcile a painful past that could exist more in your head than in reality. Regardless of where the fear lies, its effect on your love life is still valid and powerful. The impact of letting memories keep you down may be severe, especially if you roll over and play dead. All good and bad things must come to an end. This might be the time for you to learn to let go of old wounds, heartbreak and injustices that could be hurting or controlling your relationships. The ensuing release, relief or liberation that arrives after this key realization can leave you free to begin again and undertake a new chapter in your relationship or love life.”

- So true… it’s from my tarot again.

That’s it. I know. Since from the start I already knew that time like this will come. The funny thing is some incidents in life just like this tarot I have makes everything a little more concrete than it usually be. Lately, I already decided to let go but not completely ended the bitter past. After then, I read this on my email. Well, maybe it’s just a coincident, but then, it had all the true things I want to express: letting go, starting all over again, healing the wounds and injustices, and stop being so dead over him.

So maybe, this is really the right time to relieve myself from the fantasies I have in my mind. Be in reality and be human again. Tsk, tsk…

Little by little, I am now learning how to love myself again. I'm taking it one step at a time and having very careful moves as to protect myself from crushing again. Little by little, I learned how to move on, how to smile the real smile I've been missing, and to give life its another try.

I have been so unfair with all the special friends that I have been with while I am still picking myself up. I'm done with picking up the little pieces of me, I am now fixing my own self which I think is much harder than I thought it would be. And now, I'll just think that everyday would be my last as to make it perfect and memorable. I felt so sorry with all the things that I have done to them,They do not deserve what I have done. But all I can do now is regret for using them to relieve my sorrow and pain I been keeping inside.

Neglecting what would they feel means nothing to me before just to ease the scorching pain I feel. It took me a long time just to realize that these things are not their responsibilities as to take the same fate I am going through. I regretted, but it's too late. That someone who's responsible for breaking my heart influenced me a lot up to the point of hurting others.

After a year of fooling around and crying over him the whole time, I think I have finally found someone who can make me stay and be happy again. Even though everything is not yet that stable, I think and I can feel that i would be settled down once again. The feeling is so unexpected for I thought that I am already very numb and emotionless. I just woke up one day being so in love with him, and hoping that our love love story won't end at all.



I found someone who's going to wipe my tears now. At last.

brdm8z!

I am always obsessed and paranoid about pets and other living chuvanes that I can take good care of. I feel so inspired and stress free when I am close to nature and having long trips along the greeny and healthful environment.

The fresh and relaxing cool breeze soothes deep in my skin that can really ease every pain and problems that I always keep inside me. Haiii... I wish I could stay long out there in the woods reminiscing all the happy moments I had in my life.

Anyways, before I could say something very dramatic again, the real purpose of this post is to introduce to you guyz with my new friends here in my room. They really don't give me boring moments here in my boarding house and giving me an opportunity to appreciate nature instead.

Meet my Friend KUY!

And the whole group!!! ang mga d'barkadz na mga wla pang pangalan... help me name my new friends plzz...